Over the years I’ve looked for a spiritual path. Nothing seemed to fit. Jewish in culture, with a great appreciation for the teachings has been great, but not enough. Having a sense of purpose, spiritual purpose is what drove many years of my life. Even Tikkun Olam (heal the world) in Judaism has inspired me. I can’t explain what has been missing or what it would feel like if it wasn’t missing. And I tried developing a meditation practice, but it didn’t stick, and I could see that Buddhism was working for friends. Meditation was working for other friends. Christianity fulfilled even different friends.
But. Silence. For. Me. No direction, no writing on the wall, no dreams or visitations.
The most recent heart attack–you know the one that most people die from–pushed me, propelled me to search and seek more deeply. Themes that used to baffle me are starting to make sense. I feel more interested in understanding how mindfulness, meditation, Buddhism and other things bundled in a ball have started to unravel.
What’s really opening up doors inside my head, and I suppose heart, is the new science that I read about in the book Childhood Disrupted: How your Biography Becomes Your Biology and How You Can Heal. I sought therapy for past painful issues, and never felt as though I’d really worked through the 9/11 experience and other events that rocked me.
When I read in this book that mindfulness and meditation could heal the issues that have dogged me since childhood and beyond, I didn’t feel the need to follow others using these methods. I discovered why it was important for ME to use these methods.
So I’ve started. There are little breezes coming in from doors slightly ajar. I sense that changes are taking place. In my next post I’ll post what changes in the brain, and what that means for me…and possibly you.